bits and pieces

naked trees

the stark realities of life

divine blue

Caressing the agape wounds

Moving on becomes easier.

THE PIC ABOVE IS COURTESY MY SON SHUBHAM SUNDER.

Day before yesterday  was cloudy and windy. In fact night prior to that  it poured down incessantly. Dark threatening clouds amassed in the sky whole day but somehow it did not rain after morning. Got a call from a friend inviting to spend the day out in open, to be precise  in a sprawling park at the heart of the city. Sounds crazy..! Ya,it does. With heavy clouds scowling and ready to burst upon  any moment and cold breeze running amuck, decision to spend a day in open definitely did not fall within the ambit of propriety. But then crazy plans are always more loaded with the fun and freshness quotient than the safe ones.

The day turned out to be sombre,satisfying and rewarding too. Wrapped in scarf and jackets we strolled in the park . The gusty wind teased intermittently but it slowed down considerably. The long spell of frosty days has snatched away the leaves from the trees and those few which remained clung to the branches with ardent loyalty…shivering,trembling but still being there. The nude trees  stood upright wrapped in solemn silence as if hermits with dispassionate detachment. Neither the clinging leaves nor the ones writhing on the ground near their feet moved them.The blue mist hanging in between the branches enhanced the mystique,other worldly feel.

It was grey,brown and dull green all around. While leisurely walking on the meandering narrow passages suddenly we spotted one ,just one petal of Kachnar[Bauhinia] lying on the ground,trodden under many careless feet but still emitting bright purple smile. It made us stop  and look upwards  and there on a bare branch of kachnar tree was this single flower in full bloom. It filled my heart with joy and hope.

The winter excursion have this magical touch.The landscape,the vistas which in other season easily go almost unnoticed inspire deeper thoughts and illuminating references.

It felt as if something precious is there waiting to be explored,waiting to be known. Do I have a heart to touch ,eyes to see all that is in offering here ? Nature have the humbling and uplifting impact. I bow.

“The buzzard has nothing to fault himself with.
Scruples are alien to the black panther.
Piranhas do not doubt the rightness of their actions.
The rattlesnake approves of himself without reservations.

The self-critical jackal does not exist.
The locust, alligator, trichina, horsefly
live as they live and are glad of it.

The killer whale’s heart weighs one hundred kilos
but in other respects it is light.

There is nothing more animal-like
than a clear conscience
on the third planet of the Sun.”
― Wisława Szymborska

My interpretation of these lines by Wislawa is that self-deprecating is an integral part of being human. and if by any chance we find ourselves completely  devoid of this very natural trait of human beings then we some how lack in humanity. That results in arrogance and arrogance hurts others and hurting others is an animal like quality in a human being. Moderate dozes of self-criticism ,an honest evaluation of oneself ,even belittling oneself sometimes, make us humble.Acknowledging and accepting our flaws is a positive trait but then excessive self-disparagement becomes destructive to oneself.

Here we were not to  discuss the self deprecating trait but just the opposite of it.What we appreciate and value about ourselves.It is said to love others we have to love ourselves first.Similarly to make others happy we need to be happy ourselves,with ourselves.Appreciating ourselves help in building self-worth.Self worth in turn is very necessary to have a balanced attitude and view of our experiences in life.

Now ,what I appreciate and love about myself—-

1– I love that i feel happy about little things around me.A fresh flower on my terrace,the everyday day sparrow hopping around,the kids cycling to school,a good story read,a lovely picture seen-all these and many other everyday,common place things make me happy.I am happy when in wilderness,seeping in the quiet all around and I am happy sitting on a bench on a crowded railway platform watching the people around me,conjuring images of their life in my mind. In fact more than being happy with myself for this trait of mine I feel thankful to God for putting this chip inside me ,which enable me to bloom where I am planted.

2–I love my ability to connect to people and converse to them with an ease. Every one has something special and unique in them and I like to explore that.

3– I love that I always endeavor to improve upon myself.I often sit alone and analyze my own reactions and action in a particular situation and then think whether and how I could have handled the situation in a better way.

4– I love that I can laugh easily and heartily.

5–I am happy that I can see the brighter and positive aspects in most of the situations.

No doubt that there are many things about myself which I like to improve upon but then I love myself as I am. Here are few quotes I love about loving oneself.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. Oscar Wilde

I celebrate myself, and I sing myself Walt Whitman

Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.
Montaigne

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. Lucille Ball.

She sat cross-legged on the sofa ,her face deadpan,her eyes stony.With a fixed stare ,in a completely impassive state, she sat there for a very long period.Then slowly her eyes moved from one object of the room to another.Her glance as if on it’s own slipped from one artifact to another without registering and acknowledging it.
Then she started surveying the room afresh.This time her glance lingered on every object for fractions of second—heavy ornate brass lamps. big brightly colored vases with expensive artificial flowers ,54 inches LED T.V. on bright orange wall,heavily draped windows and doors with curtains standing like fortress wall as if determined to restrict even a ray of sunlight and whiff of fresh air.
She slowly put her feet down and stood there looking at the surroundings with a somewhat bewildered look on her face as if she was taking note of the things for the first time.Was she surprised to find her there? But for the all these ten years of her married life she was living here only.
She suddenly felt claustrophobic and with that a realization hit her ,she too can feel…..she is not one among these expensive artifacts.

Vishes was right.This can not be her home.She is no where in this house.

With renewed vigor and steadfast steps she moved herself to cross the threshold of his home to build her small green ,airy corner full of light and fragrance .
She plunged into the wide open arms of life.

This was inspired by 365 writing prompts…

If I get to read a book on whatever has happened in my life and whatever is to be followed,will I read that.hmmm…..whatever has happened..well I will like to  relive the moments,the phases.I feel we all do that.It might not be in a book form ,it might not be in chronological order but at some or other time we all go back and think about certain events and periods of our life.

Remembering the past gives a feeling of being connected.The nostalgic excursions are like roots ,which go deep down and help us not only  in remaining stabilized but also in growing.Reliving the happy times is sure to bring a smile on face .If we remember the sunny patches on a cloudy,gloomy day it brightens us with a satisfaction of enjoying happy times and fills the heart with  hope that we will have the same in future too.

Why even walking once again the long lonely corridors,remembering the shattering episodes,the harsh blows ,the turbulent times strengthens us.Some how it re-establishes my faith on my strength and courage. These reminiscences of past are rewarding and invigorating.These experiences always provide me strength to move forward.

Now ,on whether I shall like to know what’s in store for me in  future…..no,I shall definitely not  like to read those pages of book.I shall not be honest if with a smug tone I proclaim that I am not  tempted to peep in my future.At times I definitely want to know the outcome of certain happening.The restlessness makes me nibble my nails or the worries make heart heavy like lead and if the time is really bad rush to even astrologers etc.But having my future life laid bare before me will rob me of the excitement of the unexpected and sudden.It will be like appearing for an exam or interview while you know the result beforehand. More over the certainty  of good things to come will make me complacent about working towards it.having something you have earned guarantees for joy with an extra glow.And I will not prefer to be robbed off it.

The knowledge of bad times to approach will not allow me to enjoy the good times .There can be a point of view that the calamities can be averted,the failures turned into success,the unpleasant issues avoided if we know about them but I am sure it will diminish the spark

I will like to jump in the unknown and enjoy the mystry of future.

For a long time I have not written anything.Not that I don’t want to but somehow I could not.Why it is so? why I find myself surrounded by a void.nothing literally nothing comes across my mind about which I can talk and share.Even I don’t feel like commenting on others post.I read but somehow the words while trying to comment just stuck somewhere.It never used to be so.I mean ,I was never very regular when it comes to writing but was always very punctual about reading and commenting but presently even that somehow feels very difficult.Is it because of this very long interval? I spend a lot of time surfing ,reading even try to search the prompts but end up shutting down the lap-top with an exasperated feeling.

Hope this block will break soon and thoughts will start coming easily.Or the dry and barren state is going to stay there.Its frightening to think along those lines.

well.let us hope for the best.

written this piece just for the sake of writing only.